Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a rut or no matter how hard you
try to accomplish a goal of yours, you fail at doing so? For the last two-plus months, I have felt like Cher Horowitz from the film
Clueless, specifically when she tried to pass her drivers license test, but wasn't successful.
As I mentioned in my previous
post, I found out in mid-March that the university I applied to rejected me from fall 2013 admission. Well, about a month ago, I received a letter from the school stating that I didn't receive the scholarship I applied for, which was back in January.
I'm going to backtrack a little and explain what happened, which led to me applying for the scholarship. In late November/early December 2012 and per the request of the university I was applying to, I needed to ask
two current or former instructors if they could fill out a recommendation form and answer a few questions on my behalf. I asked two of my former instructors, who I was in close contact with, to see if they'd recommend me. I asked my journalism adviser, who I’ve known for six years, and another former instructor, who has been my guidance counselor for the last 20 years and who I saw as a mentor.
The scholarship application was due Jan. 15 and I had contacted both people about a month in advance. Within two weeks, my journalism adviser had her letter/form typed up and ready for me to submit with my applicaiton. On Dec. 5, I had contacted my guidance counselor and then the following evening, I saw her at an event where she was the guest speaker. I spoke to her at the event and asked if she had received my message. She answered yes and said that we would discuss it further. Weeks went by and I still hadn’t heard from my guidance counselor/mentor. I reached out to her several ways,
six times: via several emails and calls to her home, and to her cell phone...before and after the semester ended (i.e. a week before Christmas). Nonetheless, I still hadn’t heard from her and I was beginning to worry. In the meantime, I had to act fast and chose to contact someone else I knew and asked if she would recommend me for the scholarship. Without hesitation, she did.
About six days before I needed to submit/turn in my scholarship application and recommendation forms (I chose to turn it in one day before it was due because the due date fell on my 1st day of classes...meaning that there was no way I could leave campus), I drove to my school to purchase my books for spring semester. I thought my guidance counselor would be in her office a few days before school started (which was Jan. 15) to prepare for the new semester. I walked in to her office and spoke to a student assistant. He said she wouldn't be back in her office until the following Monday...which was the first day of classes and it was the SAME day I had planned to drop off my scholarship forms at the university. As I left my mentor's office, I became upset.
The third person I asked, who was my back-up reference, had her recommendation form filled out and signed about five days before I needed to submit it. I was eternally grateful she could do it for me on such short notice! However, about two days before I turned in my scholarship forms at the university, I received a private Facebook message from my guidance counselor/mentor who told me to call her on her cell phone. I waited a few hours and called her. She didn't pick up her phone, so I left her a voicemail. I told her that since I hadn't heard back from her and time was running out, I had to find someone else to write the recommendation and that maybe next time she could write one for me. Yeah, like the latter will ever happen! I will
never ask for her help ever again!
I was so disappointed in my mentor/guidance counselor. I haven't seen or spoken to her since that incident and she has
never once apologized to me for not making herself available. I guess our friendship didn't mean as much to her as it meant to me.
In other news, the last day of the semester was two weeks ago. I'm so happy to be on
summer vacation! However, my mood quickly changed from happy to sad shortly thereafter when I received an email from my school. The email stated that my math instructor had submitted all of her students' grades for the semester. I didn't hesitate to log in to my account, although I already had an idea of what grade I was going to receive. In the last few weeks, part of me thought there was some hope in that my instructor could possibly have a change of heart and would pass all of her students. Despite submitting all of my online homework assignments in on time, submitting all lab assignments and a group project in on time, I thought I would be receiving at least some credit...although three out of four of my exam scores were horrible. When I finally saw my grade, I was not jumping up and down for joy. :-(
With the grade I received, it now means that I have one more chance to take the class over again at my current school. However, if I do not pass the course this time around, I either have to find another school to take it at or I can petition to retake it at my current school--with a valid reason. I know some people out there are probably thinking, "How can she not pass the course?" Honestly, math has
NEVER come easy to me. Since junior high, I've always had difficulty with the subject. Since the first day I began taking advanced math courses at my current school, I've sought the help of a tutor once a week (courtesy of my school). I've also sought the help of other tutors whenever I needed help with my homework. My main problem is with
taking exams. I sometimes get anxiety and other times I just can't retain certain concepts when it comes to taking tests.
I register for fall classes in about three weeks and plan to
only retake math. I figure that if I just take this course by itself then I can focus all my time on completing my homework and preparing for my exams ahead of time. I'm very
adamant in passing this class in December!
On a side note: Last Friday, I received some positive news in the form of a letter from my school. It said something along the lines of "Congratulations! You've been awarded the [insert scholarship name here]
journalism scholarship for the 2013-2014 school year." I was elated to have received this letter, but then I became a little disappointed because I won't be able to use it toward the fall semester since I didn't get accepted into the university. I'm praying that I pass my math course because I'm only able to defer the scholarship until the spring semester.
In other news, I've heard from a few family members that my oldest cousin (on my mother's side), T, is very ill. About three weeks ago, she was visiting one of her children and woke up with a pain in her stomach. She was taken to the hospital and was told that she had gall stones. Apparently soon after, the doctors weren't doing much for her, so a male cousin of mine, who's a doctor and works at another hospital, intervened and advised my cousin to seek better health care by going to see her doctor in the states. My cousin has now been in a So Cal hospital for the last 3 or 4 days and is currently in intensive care. My family and I have gotten word that my cousin now has pneumonia and other ailments, and things aren't looking good for her. :-( We're just praying for a miracle to happen now.
