The theme of my life lately seems to be a word that I'm all too familiar with:
rejection. I’ve been through all forms of it within the last three-plus years: (potential) relationships, jobs I applied for and was qualified for--but didn't get--and NOW academics.
In the last two or three weeks while working on my homework in the math lab, I overheard some fellow students chatting with their friends about how they just got accepted at such-and-such university or at some prestigious school, like UC Berkeley. After hearing all this, I was anxious to find out when I was going to receive notice regarding my acceptance in to my local university. Every day for the last several weeks, I've logged in to my account at the university's self-service page hoping to find out if I got accepted into their school for the Fall of 2013.
On Wednesday, I checked the online status of my college application, which I had submitted last November to the
only university I applied to, which is about a 25 minute drive from where I live. I chose the school because 1) it's a good school and 2) it would be less expensive to attend as opposed to if I were to move away and attend school elsewhere, then I'd probably have to delay my education again. Anyway, the following comment, which was written by the transfer admissions specialist assigned to my application, is what I read regarding my university application status:
“
You were not selected for Communication Studies. Competition for the Communication Studies program is very competitive and the COMS department has had to make difficult decisions in the selection process.” So today, I went to check the status again--knowing that I'd be reading the same thing--only to find out that they updated my file with the following sentence at the top: "
You have not met the requirements and have been denied admission to..."
REJECTED...yet again! :-( Of course, the first thing I did when I found out that I didn't get accepted was to cry. In fact, I did that for the next two hours and I also cried myself to sleep that night. I felt a tad better yesterday--except for in the morning--and today I'm feeling better.
Throughout this whole university application process, I've bee trying to remain positive. In fact, I've tried projecting positivity with everything that has been happening in my life: applying for jobs I know I'm absolutely qualified for, but then don't end up getting; a relationship that never flourishes with the opposite sex because there's no mutual attraction on his part; and now with not getting accepted into the university after I've worked so hard for many years to get to this point.
Although I feel the reason I was initially given regarding why I didn't get accepted is pretty
lame (I even contacted the transfer admissions specialist to find out the real reason why I didn't get accepted and she too didn't give me a valid reason), I know 100% why I probably didn't get accepted for the 2013 fall semester: this (spring) semester I'm enrolled in one class I have left to take, which is math, which is holding me back from transferring. This course has been a thorn and a
BIG pain in my side for the last few years I've been attending the community college. Actually, math has been a pain in my side since junior high!
I had every intention of completing my last math course last semester, until I met with my math instructor last November. Just a month shy of completing this course, he recommended I drop it because although my homework and quiz scores, and work ethic were great, my exam scores were not. :-( My goal now is to pass this course in May so that I won't have to take it again!
This semester, I tried enrolling into a statistics course that was taught by an instructor I was recommended to by three people. I had also read positive reviews of her and her class. After showing up to this instructor's class twice during the first week of school, in January, I was unable to get into her class because there were 11 other students competing to get in. I ended up staying with the instructor I was stuck with, who I hadn't heard anything positive about.
My current situation: I'm dealing with an instructor who's fairly new, scattered and goes off-topic numerous times during her lecture (note: last week, she went off for about 15 minutes or so, which was a total waste of our valuable time). The
con: the instructor doesn't give us enough lecture notes, which I feel would help us with our homework; she does not go over any of the homework problems in class since all the homework is done and submitted online; and 65% of the time the book doesn't give us enough information to help solve the homework problems. The ONLY
pro: the tests are shorter. Also, I do meet one-on-one with a tutor once a week and go over some of the problems I need help with. I'm also in the math lab getting help with the problems I don't understand; however, it's unfortunate that not every tutor or lab assistant knows statistics, so I'm often there when there's an actual statistics tutor available.
I did alright on my last math test, but the most recent test I took, which was a week ago, well, let's just say that my anxiety got the best of me this time and I'm certain that I didn't do well. Go figure that when I submitted the last two assignments last Friday, which were associated with last Thursday's test, I received a 99% and 100%! I wish the 100% would've been my score for the actual test! I know I have to try harder for the next test because it's the last one I take BEFORE the (cumulative) final, in May.
With the recent news, along with everything else that's happened to me within the last 3 years, it
frustrates and
discourages me, and I often wonder if I should continue pursuing my education. I mean, I already have some journalism experience; however, many companies would prefer applicants possess a bachelor's degree in communications or journalism when applying for a position. I don't have my communications degree yet, because this math course I'm trying to pass is the obstruction in letting me move on so that I can finally start working on my bachelor's!
There's so much I need to think about between now and the end of this semester, as well as what I'm going to be doing for the coming fall semester. I intend that I will find the answers soon regarding my future.
I'll leave you with this song, which pretty much sums up the last two days, the rest of my week and year, and probably most of 2014:
