Pondering My Future

It seems like every year as my birthday approaches, I get these feelings of changes I'd like to make in my life. I keep asking myself, "What have I accomplished with my life thus far?" Well, for starters, I'm still in college, I'm at a job I don't care to be at, and I'm still single. To me, that doesn't seem like much. Ok, so maybe I'm starting my midlife crisis a little early!


My dream many years ago was to go away to college and major in Communications/Media Studies. I always had aspirations of attending school in L.A. & when I told my mother this back then, she made it clear that she didn't want me living in a big city because I would never be able to defend myself if something terrible happened. Oh, and btw, yes, I inherited my anxiety problems from my parents. So for that matter, that's why I never moved away from the area I grew up in. :( As I approach my mid-30's and am getting closer to 40 (might I add that I still have a few years left 'til this major milestone), I feel I haven't accomplished anything in my life. Yes, I'd love to have another story or two published, but many publishers don't wish to give new writers a chance; therefore, that's why I need to continue with college. But who can live off a measly salary with the constant reminder of feeling used, yet cannot utilize her talent, her life experiences, nor her skills she went to school for?


I recently had a conversation with my college guidance counselor, who I was interviewing for another article for my Journalism class. We started talking about jobs and I told her I was looking for a new one. She told me that they're going to be hiring soon in her department and that they needed someone bilingual. I told her to look no further because I'm the right person for the job! I checked back with her the following week regarding the job posting & she told me that the woman in charge of this hadn't posted it yet, but she'd let me know if anything happens. Well, it's been two weeks now and I haven't heard anything. I plan on contacting my counselor's co-worker to ask about the job & let her know I'm very interested! The problem with trying to find a permanent job on-campus is that the college takes FOREVER to either post the job or make a final decision. I'm not holding my breath. I recently applied for another on-campus job in another department, which would allow me the flexibility to continue with school & is a permanent position. Coincidentally, I have a job interview with this department this Friday!


The dilemma I'm currently facing is making the decision to return to work full-time. YES, I need the $$, but this will further delay my schooling. The college I'm attending only offers selected courses at night and/or online. This is why I'm hesitating in seeking full-time employment. Then there's still the matter of wanting to move away from this county--which has now become a tourist trap--to Southern California to pursue my dreams. I'm hopeful that I'd be able to find something in one of the industries I want to get in to, but I think in order to get where I want to be, I need to continue with my education.


I believe the reason I'm getting stressed out over my future is because I want everything to happen now! Call me an overachiever, but I've always been goal-oriented. However, it's taken me several years to work through some obstacles that were associated with continuing with my goals.


Speaking of goals, several years ago during a trip to L.A., I got a little discouraged after I had spoken to this girl, who was working at a famous TV/movie studio. I asked her how she got her job and she said that she had a friend in the biz, who she networked with & got her the job, which was an entry level position. I know I'd have to start somewhere, but I'm willing to take that chance as long as I can afford to pay to have a roof over my head! If I plan on moving, I'm going to have to start saving $ to make the move. Unfortunately, I don't see this happening until I get a good paying job & am there at least two years.


Finally, there's the problem of not having that special someone in my life. :( To be honest, I haven't really placed a lot of effort into going out & meeting new people other than the ones I've met at school. I'm either too busy or don't have anyone to go out with to be looking. Actually, my biggest complaints are that there aren't enough good quality men that meet my standards (i.e. single, smart, good-looking, holds down a job, has NO kids, is goal-oriented, has a full head of hair, and has a similar background, etc.) nor that live in my area. Also, I don't want to date someone under the age of 32 nor over the age of 41! I recently was speaking to a co-worker of mine, who's been married for over 30 years & has children my age. She told me a while back she had visited her daughter in Arizona & noticed one thing: There were plenty of men available in AZ! I've been to AZ twice, but didn't get a chance to meet anyone while I was down there. It's a nice state (I love Sedona) to visit, but it's just too dang HOT there! It reminds me of the Southern Cal town where my parents were raised, where every summer, the temperatures reach up to 120 degrees! That's one of the reasons why my parents moved to Northern Cal. I think I'll pass on Arizona!


Well, I guess I'll continue to keep searching for answers and pray that I'll come to a decision about my future one of these days.