A Night Not to Remember

I thought it would be nice to get a few friends together for a night out in the town. The whole purpose of the night was to catch up over dinner at "the Bear." Then after dinner, we planned on heading over to "Mr. Cutie's" café to hear some music by a local artist, who was an alum from our high school. I called my friend Jen to give her the details only to find out that she wasn't going to make it because her grandmother had just passed away that morning. A few hours later, my friend Heather called me to say that she had caught a cold and didn't feel well to make the drive up. Finally, my niece called to cancel too because she didn't want to make the 30 minute drive in the rain. That only left my friend Angelica, who hadn't canceled!

Angelica and I both arrived at the same time. I told her that the others couldn't make it and that I was grateful that she had made it. In spite of having to wait 30 mins. to be seated, we had a nice dinner and good conversation. Usually this restaurant is packed with people around dinner time, but I suppose that since it was raining and cold, no one wanted to go out. Needless to say, we finished dinner in about 1.5 hours. We still had 45 mins. left until the concert, so we took our time walking over to the next block and towards "Mr. QT's" café.

When we got to "QT's" place, there were already a bunch of people there. The place is really small and there's very limited seating. We were sort of hesitant to go in at first, but as soon as the musician's father went inside, I said a quick "hello" to him and followed him inside. Coincidentally, the musician's father is my doctor! As we entered, there was literally no where to sit, so Angelica and I picked a corner to stand against. At one point, I sort of felt out of place being there and I think she did too. I think I felt this way because this isn't typically my scene.

Several moments passed and Angelica asks me if my crush was here. I don't see him anywhere. About 30 minutes pass and guess who shows up? Yes, it's "Mr. Cutie"! My heart literally began doing somersaults. Oh, but wait! He's NOT alone! :( I see this 20-something (25, perhaps?) brunette right behind him. They literally walked right past us and then made their way right behind us, behind the cash register! At one point, "Mr. Cutie" must have gone to the other side of the café or into his office because I then noticed the 20-something brunette was standing by herself beside the side entrance. I think she felt like an outsider and I got the feeling that this could've been their first date. About 15 mins. later, I asked Angelica if she wanted to leave now and she agreed. As we walked towards the side entrance, the 20-something brunette was blocking our path, but pleasantly moved out of our way. As we walked several feet away, I jokingly told Angelica that I should have said something like, "Get out of our way, "Bee-atch"! ;) She laughed!

My friend gave me her honest opinion, yet tried consoling me at the same time. She said, "That girl looks a little too young, like she's about 23." She then added, "You don't want someone preppy..." As we made our way further, I said to her, "Well, it's not like that girl has a ring on her finger," meaning that they're probably not in a committed relationship. What is it with older guys who only prefer to date younger women?

Lately, I have found myself attracted to what I think is the "perfect" guy, only to soon find out that he is no longer available. :( Not too long ago, I used to be only attracted to younger guys (I never found myself attracted to a guy that was 7 yrs. or more younger). However, I soon found out that younger guys are just way too immature and they really don't know what they want out of life. Then "Mr. Cutie" comes along, who is close to my age (he's about 40), who's had a successful career and has everything going for him, including stability in his life, only to find out that he's seeing someone. :( I've really tried to stay positive and thought that I could possibly have a chance with this guy, but now I know that it'll probably never happen.

I used to have a poor self-image of myself in my teens and 20s. On top of that, I was extremely shy and I know that this has always gotten in the way of what I wanted most in life. Now that I'm older, I feel a bit more confident and am no longer scared as I once was. However, I often don't take the initiative or go after what I really want, so I lose out on many opportunities.

I'm not "throwing in the towel" just yet. My main focus right now will be on myself. I'm no longer going to worry about having feelings for some guy that I know I'll never have a chance with. I'm just going to leave everything up to God. If I'm meant to have someone special in my life, then I'll embrace it. And if it's not meant to be, then I'll learn to accept it. Being single has many disadvantages, but it also has its advantages. To quote the title of Jen Schefft's book, "Better Single Than Sorry."