Intuition

My intuition is usually always right. Well, exactly one week ago today, it was definitely right on!

Last Friday evening, my second cousin "R," who's a year older than me and who was visiting her parents, invited me out to a tapas restaurant/bar, which recently opened up in our neighborhood. Initially, the invitation was for a birthday drink since my birthday was on the 21st. Without hesitation, I answered her text and asked her what time and where. After a few texts, I told her that I'd pick her up at her parents' house.

Five minutes or so later, we arrived at our destination. Since both of us were raised in this town, we started reminiscing about the two businesses that were at this location prior to the tapas restaurant. The new business owners really turned this place in to a nice setting. When we walked in, I was hoping they wouldn't make us sit outside, but they did. Thankfully though, there were long-standing heaters nearby to keep us warm.

My cousin and I were at the restaurant/bar for about two hours just chatting and discussing the fact that we're both single. My cousin and her younger sister "M," (by 2 years) moved two hours southeast many years ago to attend the university. After graduation, they each found a career they had gone to school for. Eventually, "M" got married and now has two small children. Oh, I forgot to mention that "R" is a twin. Her brother "J" is married with one child, and actually lives near me.

Back to last Friday night: we ordered three tapas and a drink each. I wish I could've finished my drink, but I was already getting tipsy and I was the one who had to drive us back. Anyway, I was impressed with two of the tapas we ordered. About an hour or so later, "R" told me that her twin brother and his wife would probably be joining us in a little while. They eventually did, along with two good friends of "J's." "J" is a jokester and always makes us laugh, so we were in good company. The tapas bar was about to close and "J" asked us if we'd be interested in walking to the "new" neighborhood bar just around the corner, which used to be a popular steakhouse. We said yes and made our way there. As we arrived, I was standing near the entrance next to a friend of "J's," trying to get situated. Then about five minutes or so later, I see this attractive-looking guy walking towards my direction, who just happens to be Mr. Cutie! I couldn't tell how many friends he was with him (maybe three), but I only recognized the grey-haired, slender, older woman with him. I honestly think that as he was leaving, he actually saw me.

For some reason or another, Mr. Cutie popped in to my mind just hours before going out. He lives in the same town as I do, but we NEVER run in to each other. The last time I saw him was about two months ago at a festival in town. I thought to myself, "If I run in to him this evening, would I finally have the courage to say something to him?" Obviously, since he wasn't alone, it would've seemed awkward to have said anything. I think he and the grey-haired woman are just friends. Ok, I'm hoping that's all they are.

So the next question is: do I still have feelings for Mr. Cutie? The answer to this question: I don't really know. I've never been forward enough to introduce myself in-person versus the time I FB messaged him three years ago. Seriously, the perfect opportunity would've been to have approached him at the festival, since he was semi-solo, but I didn't. :-(  But then part of me also wonders, "Why doesn't he approach me?"

I guess it's only a matter of time until I get tired of waiting around for someone to initiate a conversation with me. I need to start utilizing certain skills I keep hiding and that I'm working on, and figure out a way to approach others (i.e. mainly men) without feeling nervous or awkward. I guess it's time to push this shyness aside! ;-)

An unsettling week & revisiting old feelings

Last week was not a great week for me and my family. Last Monday was my brother's birthday and I'm grateful he's been on the road to recovery since April. He went back to work in May and seems to be doing fine. I just continue to pray that he takes good care of his health and that he doesn't have to go through another setback.

My parents 53rd wedding anniversary was last Thursday and it was overshadowed by my (first) cousin's death, which occurred the day before. :( I still can't believe that my cousin "T" is gone and that I won't ever get to see or talk to her ever again. She had a major presence within her family. Whenever she'd get riled up, she would talk very loud, but she was awesome! "T" and her older sister (by four years) "C"were always inseperable! They used to pretty much do everything together. "C" is the mother of three daughters and "T" was the mother of three sons. Many years ago, my brother started teasing our cousins "C" and "T" because they were born with very curly hair---thanks in part to their mother (my aunt). If you didn't know them, you might think they wore wigs. Anyway, my brother used to tease them--mostly "T"--and would refer to the sisters as "Las Pelucas" (which translates to "The Wigs" in English). Whenever my brother would say this to "T," she would start to badmouth my brother, but in a joking and loving way. I'm going to MISS my cousin. My family and I, minus my brother and nephew, will be attending my cousin's funeral this week. It will be nice to see my cousins, uncles, etc. again, but I wish it was under better circumstances. :-(

On Saturday, I met up with an old friend, "J," from high school to attend a local beer festival. She was two grades ahead of me and we used to constantly hang out together when she moved back to the area we grew up (she actually grew up in neighboring town) in about 10 years ago. Probably within the last 2 or 3 years, "J" and I hadn't been hanging out as much because I've been super busy with school and work, and she's been busy with work and church-related functions.

My friend "J" and I met up with her cousin, her cousin's hubby and one of "J's" high school classmates. Within 20 minutes of going in to the festival, I ran into my Zumba instructor, who was there with her hubby. We talked for a little bit and I found out my instructor's mother-in-law is from the same town as my parents. Small world! Just before I started chatting with my instructor and before "J" started talking to someone she knew who was just a few feet away, "J" and I spotted "Mr. Cutie," who I used to have a crush on around 3 years ago. "J" remembered who he was and admitted to me that he was kind of cute! The last three years that I've been attending this festival, he has been there with friends. This time around I saw him with a male friend, and they would part ways every now and then.

I'll be honest, when I caught a glimpse of "Mr. Cutie" at Saturday's event, my heart raced a beat per second! Is it possible to still have feelings for someone you've never talked to? Ugh!! At the moment that I was talking to my Zumba instructor, I nonchalantly looked over "Mr. Cutie's" way and I know he looked over my way once or twice and probably thought, "She looks familiar." Anyway, whenever I caught myself in a conversation with someone at the festival, my radar always seemed to be on the lookout for him. At one point, "J" and I were walking to get some more beer, and I was within arm's reach of "Mr. Cutie." I could've accidentally bumped in to him at that point, but I believe he was talking to some short-haired, tall blonde woman. Bleh! ;-) From what I gather, "Mr. Cutie" is (still) single, but I'm sure he has a type.

Living in a small town you'd think I'd run into "Mr. Cutie." Well, I haven't...well, not prior to Saturday. The last time I actually "saw" him was when I was driving north through town a few weeks ago and he was driving south. We normally don't run in the same circles or we don't ever cross paths unless it's some sort of function in town. Maybe I'll run into him again at another local function or at one of the restaurants.

After attending the beer festival, I can honestly say that whenever I feel in the mood to drink another alcoholic beverage, my drinks of choice will either be water, wine or a mixed beverage--preferably with vodka! ;-)

Saying Good-Bye to Mr. Cutie

This morning, my cousin invited me to go see her best friend compete in her first 1/2 marathon, which took place in the town we all grew up in. My cousin picked me up around 9:45 am and we drove over to city hall, where we were expecting to meet up with her best friend.

As we arrived to the marathon site, we noticed my cousin's friend chatting with other competitors, so we walked up to her and started asking her how she did. About 30 to 45 minutes of being there, we walked across the street to meet up with the best friend's older brother and some of her friends. As we stayed to watch the second marathon, I then noticed this guy riding this old-style bicycle and riding along side him was this woman, who I can confirm was his ex or former girlfriend. :( My heart literally came out of my chest. As they rode their bikes past me, they set them down and gathered with a few of their friends, who were all there to cheer on their friends participating in the marathon.

It's probably safe to say that they're now back together, which means I am giving up--again--and this time it's for good. I think deep down I knew it was too good to be true. I'm now realizing that I would have never had a chance with him. A guy like Mr. Cutie doesn't come around often, especially where I'm from. In an odd way, I felt like the Molly Ringwald character, "Andie", in Pretty in Pink. Obviously he has found his equal in his ex-girlfriend, so I guess all I can say now is that I hope they're happy.

Love is definitely a funny thing. After you get your heart broken several more times, you start to question if there is something wrong with you. I'm putting faith in the fact that I'm a good person, who has the qualities that a man will like or love about me. I do hope I will find love...or that it will find me...someday. I think I deserve some happiness in my life and I will just have to practice more patience until I find it.

Hanging Out with Mr. Cutie

I can't believe the great night I had last Saturday! My friend S and I, and her friend M, went to Mr. Cutie's POB (place of business). Before we headed over there, we had dinner at this restaurant I've been to many times before. The initial plan was that we would have dinner and then walk over to you-know-whose place because there was going to be live music. As soon as we finished dinner, we were nearing the stoplight to cross the street when who do I see but Mr. Cutie! I told my friend, S, "OMG, there he is!" Well, as we were about to cross the street, some guy on his bicycle crossed Mr. Cutie's path & they started talking...right in the middle of the street! I obviously couldn't say anything right then and there, so we continued walking. After we arrived at his POB, S and I ordered some wine. Mr. Cutie was no where in sight. I wonder where he had wandered off to. Well, about an hour later, he arrived. By that time, I had already finished my wine & unfortunately, I didn't get a refill because I had to drive home. Heck, I could have even walked home!

The entire time M and S were teasing me, but also encouraging me to go talk to Mr. Cutie. Well, about this time, more people came into his place and he was mingling with the regulars. Obviously, I am NOT a regular! I know for sure he noticed me, but the entire time I just kept talking to my friends. If I stared at him the entire night, I didn't want to give him the impression that I was totally into him! At one point, he started talking to the woman who was sitting at the large table in front of us (who was accompanied by several others) and had his back towards us. Shortly thereafter, he turned around & asked if he could take the chair that was at our (small) table, which wasn't being occupied. I think my friend, S, answered at the same time, but I answered, "Sure, go right ahead!" Ok, so I was really thinking of saying, "Hey, it's your place and you can do anything you please!" Maybe he thought we were expecting more people. Grrr! I let the opportunity to talk to him pass me up.

Since the music started late, we didn't leave until about 1 hour and 45 minutes later. I had to call it an early night because I had to try studying for finals and my two friends needed to drive back home. I didn't let S persuade me to leave through the door closest to where Mr. Cutie was. We ended up leaving from another side door, which was closer to me. I'm sure he noticed us leaving, but we had to go.

Of course I regret not initiating a conversation with Mr. Cutie beyond him asking me if he could use the chair at our table. I mean, HELLO, this is his place after all! You know what I really wanted to say was, "Instead, you should pull up a chair and join us!" Note to self: Work on my flirting techniques because it needs a LOT of improvement!

After we finally left, we walked around town and then resumed in the parking lot where our cars were parked. Of course, I wanted to kick myself for keeping quiet the entire night (ok, so I didn't want to interrupt him talking), but I have faith there will be a next time and that I WILL talk to him!