Airing Out My Frustrations

I try not to let too many things bother me these days. I've been trying to stay positive in hoping that things around me will get better. It's just a matter of being patient and letting things run their course, which are beyond my control. Well, today everything happened all at once.

Today was my last day meeting one-on-one with my (Advanced) Algebra tutor. This was my second semester having him as my tutor and he's been the most patient person I know. Well, today I just could not understand one problem he was trying to help me solve. It seemed like a very easy problem, but there were some steps I had missed, so part of the problem was wrong. At one point I told him that I just couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I was wasting his time. Needless to say, I didn't finish or solve the rest of the problem and worked on a few other problems after that, which I was able to understand.

No matter how hard I try to comprehend every lesson and/or every section in my math class, I feel like I have this block in my brain and that I'm always behind in trying to figure out how to understand what's being taught to me. :(

After feeling so frustrated, I also started thinking about my employment situation. :( I've struggled for the last two years in trying to find work. I recently started a freelance writing job, but freelancing isn't stable or long-term. So when I thought that things couldn't get any better, I come home to find an email from the editor at the freelancing job. She said she's going to have a writer's position available beginning June 1st and wanted to know if I'd be interested in speaking with her about it. I emailed her back and told her 'yes,' I'm interested.

One of my journalism classmates, who currently works as a writer for the same company, recently told me that his job is full-time and leaves him with little time for anything else. I plan on meeting with the editor to discuss the position SOON and when I do, I plan on finding out all the details about the job because finishing my education is very important to me, as is finding stable employment in what I enjoy doing.

This is going to be a difficult decision for me to make. Why can't I just win the lottery and not have to worry about any of this? ;-)

O, Ye of Little Faith

Lately I've been feeling like 'throwing in the towel' with regards to a goal on my bucket list, which I thought was going to happen. I just think I may have 'sat' on the idea for too long and now it may be too late. :-(

It's been almost three weeks now that I emailed my query letter to four different online publications about a story I wanted to write and received the ok to do in the future. Well, I have not heard back from any of the publications I emailed. In addition, I emailed my story subject to try scheduling an interview with him since I was going to be in close proximity to where (I imagine) he lives, but I haven't heard back from him. I'm beginning to feel like this goal will never happen. At this point, I'm about ready to give up.

One thing that I feel that I tend to lack sometimes is confidence, especially when it comes to writing. Yes, I've had my work published before, but sometimes I feel like I don't have the right connections in order to make things happen. Or when I know things are too good to be true, I don't act upon them right away and then end up losing out on a great opportunity.

I just wish that the 'powers that be' (in this case, these four publications and the story subject) would sometimes just take a chance on someone who's trying to get 'their foot in the door.'

In other news, I'm frantically looking for employment that will work around my school schedule. Honestly, I browse through job postings every single day and lately there doesn't seem to be much out there. Someone recently told me that I should consider cold calling the companies I might want to work for. Unfortunately, the ones I'm interested in are not anywhere near where I live. I'd rather find a job within a reasonable driving distance of where I live rather than find something where I'd have to travel an hour away. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and trying to stay positive that I'll be able to find work within the next month or two.

Ideas...and more ideas!

Have you ever felt like your mind is racing a mile a minute with all these ideas? In the last few months and up until just recently, I've had several of those thoughts come into my mind, which I would like to write about. I have a clear picture of who I'd like to interview and what angle I'd use. However, the next step is to conduct more research and come up with various questions to ask these interviewees. And I already know the perfect publication that I plan on sending my query letter(s) to.

First up, an opportunity that literally presented itself! I plan on taking full advantage of it this week--hoping it isn't too late. Hopefully this interview will take me on to a path of where I'd like my writing to go.

Lastly, I'm considering incorporating other discussions into this blog. I think if I do this it will help to broaden my audience. I mean, you never know who's out there reading my blog!

Another missed opportunity

Yesterday I received an e-mail from the editor of the publication that's publishing my story. She wanted to know if I'd be interested in taking on a project. The project consisted of writing 5 mini profiles for their upcoming "Best Of" issue. As much as I'd love the opportunity to get more writing experience, I really don't have time right now (maybe I could've written like two). They were willing to pay me for it too!

The reason I couldn't do it was because of my stupid Math/Intermediate Algebra class, which has tried to take over my brain, but hasn't succeeded. :( If I ever come back in another life, it'll probably be as a mathematician!

* Side note: Today I received a 2nd e-mail from the editor stating that she was anxious, so she ended up giving the project to someone else. Whew!! That's a load off my back. Either they really like me or they just need some new "blood" (i.e. writers).